How to Convince Your Ex-Partner to Do Mediation

As much as we want to make relationships work, there are times when it is difficult for those involved to resolve issues on their own. When it comes to parenting and property matters post-separation, unfortunately, emotions can override common sense. The consequences of which can be extraordinarily expensive and lengthy. The bottom line is that you want to avoid litigation at all costs and you need to acknowledge that yourself and encourage the same point of view in your former partner. 

The first step is for both parties to agree to settle their disputes and it largely is dependent upon choosing mediation or court proceedings (litigation). Resolving family issues need not be stressful. Mediation is highly recommended because it saves time, money and will be substantially kinder to your mental health and that of your children, family and friends. 

This is good when both parties understand what mediation is, its purpose, and the process that they have to go through. But sometimes, an ex-partner might not be willing to go through mediation because of the “emotional cycle” it may involve or he or she might feel that he or she is at a disadvantage or that the other party has more financial knowledge compared to him or her.

What if your ex-partner does not want to do mediation? There are several ways that you can try and convince him to take this step.

Choose a Mediator that you are both comfortable with

The mediator’s role is to get the parties to compromise or agree to the terms of the settlement. That is why, when choosing a mediator or mediators, it should be someone that the ex-partners are comfortable with, someone they can freely express themselves to so that the process is not too emotionally painstaking. It is best to choose two to three mediators that you can speak with obligation-free at the beginning. You can have relatives refer you or if you search on your own, speak with them and have them contact your ex-partner to see if he also feels comfortable with the person. Mediators are trained to be neutral and when there are disagreements between the parties, he will be the one to address each one until they are able to compromise for the welfare of the child. 

Clarify the Focus of Mediation

You can say that “the purpose is to have us agree on something and to finally settle the issues so that we can determine the terms of our settlement in taking care of our child”. 

Sometimes, a person is reluctant to undergo mediation because they do not know the true purpose of it. Some think that this is also in the form of litigation and they do not want to undergo the stress that goes with it or maybe, they have the misconception that the costs will be similar to that of legal action. In order to convince your ex-partner to go through mediation, make him understand that this is an out-of-court action and that the sooner the issues are resolved, the sooner it is to determine who will have custody of the child, the amount of support will be determined and all other matters relating to the case. 

Mediation is not counseling

Another misconception of mediation is that it is equivalent to counseling where the counselor aims to bring back the ex-partners together. Mediation does not deal with emotional issues but focuses more on having the parties agree to the terms of the settlement. Through mediation, the parties can work together to create a workable parenting arrangement framework and it is a win-win situation for both parties. Sometimes, there is a reluctance to undergo mediation because there is a lack of understanding of the process and purpose of mediation.

Mediation Gives You More Control Over the Outcome of the Case

Although the ex-partners have parted ways, it is still important for them to come to an agreement regarding the custody of the child and the amount of support to be given each month or year. 

Mediation, in comparison to court litigation, gives the parties more control over the terms of the settlement, hence, they are much happier with the result of the case compared to “court litigation” where the judge solely decides the outcome of the case and the parties have no say with regard to the result. Since the parents know their child, it would make both parties happy if the end result of their dispute would be favorable to both of them, most especially, it would be favorable for the welfare of their child or children. 

Let your partner know that leaving the decision to the courts might only leave them disappointed or frustrated. Through mediation, the parties can even layout their wants regarding their visitation rights.

These are the ways and information that you should use in order to convince your ex-partner to undergo mediation. 

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source https://mediationsaustralia.com.au/how-to-convince-your-ex-partner-to-do-mediation/